"Service" by Michel Spruance

I was recently called to jury duty. I can hear the “uggs”, and “I’m so sorry,” coming from some of you now. In the moment too, I received bounds of condolences, perhaps as though my mother was dying. Seriously, though, I appreciated everyone’s recognition of the challenge jury duty can pose a small business owner.

While I was terribly nervous about potentially being placed on a trial that might last 9 days, I secretly wanted to be placed on the jury. I found myself yearning to be part of the system. I wanted my perspective to be heard. I wanted to do the difficult work of disagreeing and finding a way forward with a disparate group. I wanted the challenge.

Needless to say, the matter was settled out of court, and I won’t pretend I was not relieved. Yet, the experience of “almost” jury duty was significant for me. First, I was amazed to see just how deeply I felt compelled to serve. Being called to jury duty inspired a sense of pride I don’t often feel in my national identity . It brought together diversity into one room to consider our humanity. That’s actually pretty cool. Second, it bought up for me a deeper question of what it means to serve – to be of service in my life and what my life is really about.

I found myself thinking, “What if I could live my life not as though I was simply walking about fulfilling responsibilities, but instead, what if I could live my life as though you are the most important thing I am living for? That my actions, words and deeds were done for another?” This hit me in the middle of the night one night. It felt like laughter, joy and unboundedness. And, I knew I would not live up to this easily! However, it has sparked in me a renewed commitment to myself and others. I am here not for myself, but for you. What a concept.

Interestingly, this understanding of living in service to others has also inspired a renewed commitment to getting healthy and taking care of myself. If I can take care of myself then I have something to offer you, rather than something to burden you with. Ahhh - seen this way, service starts to feel like freedom.

I also had another insight through this process: Things that matter take time. Is jury duty long and messy? Does it feel like a lot of hurry up and wait? Yes. And I would wager that things that are worth doing are messy. Remember your first yoga headstand or crow? Or even your first Warrior I? Your marriage? Your relationship with your parents, or your children? In politics, economics, and global issues, we want so badly to have the silver bullet. But if yoga has taught me anything, it is to have a bigger, longer-term perspective. I get fed up with years of war that yield little obvious gain for anyone globally. I get frustrated with the labored crank of global initiatives around climate change. I throw my hands up at school systems adopting another math program every couple of years. And yet, my life is so short in the span of things.

When I step back and see myself as only a part of the huge, vast space of time, energy and history I feel a loosening of tension in my body around the things I think I need to “fix.” I laugh to myself at how funny it all seems, especially my seriousness about it. Am I sad there is suffering? Yes. Do I want to end suffering? Yes. But two seemingly opposite things I find to be true. First, the world is perfect just as it is. A miracle in its own right. And second, things do change because of our small efforts in the moment, whether we see the outcomes or not. Slaves are freed. Women gain access to reproductive health. Countries gain independence. And perhaps, we can learn to live in service to each other.

Namaste,
Michel