Honor Your Limits and Empathy will Awaken
The other day a practitioner at Be Luminous came up to me apologizing for taking child's pose many times throughout the class. He said: "My energy was extremely heavy and my body felt very unstable and I was unable to stay with the practice." I responded by saying that not only did he stay with the practice he offered himself and the group a precious gift by acknowledging and honoring his needs and learning to listen to his inner voice of wisdom. He was surprised when I told him how much gratitude I had felt during the class for his presence, his adaptability and his willingness to stay with the group. By staying on his mat and navigating his own challenges he was cultivating self awareness and awakening to empathy.
There can be an incorrect mystique around the terminology "Power Yoga" that we need to drive, drive, drive with force through the practice, but really we need to listen, listen, listen to the signals our body is sending us. When our body is telling us to back off we need to listen and in this listening we will know ourselves and awaken to empathy. Our practice is an experiential laboratory for shaping self awareness and our understanding of others. Knowing our own capacities allows us to be with others and meet them in their capacity no matter what the situation.
When I use the word "limits" I think more about our capacity to expand into and hold new territory, not being limited; and this is a process we need to honor, not fight. In the beginning of my yoga and meditation practices I worked with many challenges, both physical and mental. The long vinyasa flow classes would wipe me out and require me to soak in the tub for hours. On my mat and during silent meditation retreats my initial experiences were filled with psychosomatic openings that were exciting, terrorizing, and completely foreign to me. I was a very dedicated practitioner and learned that my seriousness was contracting my mind towards gripping around the experience. As I softened to the challenges in my body and my mind, my capacity to open began expanding and growing and the way in which I related to others also began to soften, expand and deepen. When I could hold my own experience with compassion, insight and wisdom I was able to do the same for others.
About a month ago, my girlfriend Maria and I had the good fortune of spending the night at an amazing thermal bath in Vals, Switzerland. The building has gained much notoriety and it turned out to be an amazing adventure. In the morning it began snowing at 5am. After soaking in the pools and having breakfast we finally left at about 10am. By the time we started down the 16km, single lane mountain road about 6 to 8 inches of snow had accumulated. Unfortunately we were completely unprepared for this; our rental car was very light and did not have snow tires. Having grown up in Vermont and Colorado I've been in many hairy snow situations, but this turned out to be quite a challenge. I should add that the road had little to no railing protection and dropped off 500 to 1000 feet or more. At one point on the road there was construction and after we stopped we could not go any further. Continued efforts kept us spinning and sliding toward the cliff. As cars piled up behind us some Swiss mountain men, who spoke no English, started pushing but we kept heading toward the cliff. As we were doing this I looked over at Maria and she looked like she was in a state of shock, like gripping terror had hold of her, it was obvious this situation was beyond her capacity and given she grew up in Florida rightly so. In that moment I could have started telling her everything was going to be OK, don't worry and so on, but it become quite obvious that this situation was an extreme trigger for her and it would do no good to try and console her. Her shock was so strong she looked like a different person; it was very palpable, almost tactile inside the car. I could see my own mind start to get drawn into her energy, and I remembered what it was like to feel extreme terror in my body and mind. I quickly realized her capacity for this situation was very different than mine and I needed to honor that and accept it. What she needed was to get out of the car, feel her feet on the ground and as quickly as possible get off the mountain. A few minutes later she accepted a ride off the mountain and I parked next to a cliff, buried in snow, but I was grateful that she honored her needs. I could empathize with her fear and in doing so it gave us both the space to do what was healthy, safe and caring. I was amazed at how my own memory of experiencing terror in my body and my mind allowed me to feel completely free to let her leave, without judgment, anger or resentment. The capacities of acceptance and openness we discover on our mats can come in handy when we need them most, in all of the unknown human situations that stretch the limits of our comfort.
So the next time you're in class, sliding around on your mat, watching your neighbor do bird of paradise and the teacher is encouraging you to surf some unknown edge; remember to listen to your own body, align yourself with your own needs and have patience with the process.......oh yah and if you're ever driving through the Swiss Alps be prepared and purchase chains before you get stuck in a blizzard, it's a lot cheaper and your partner will appreciate your wisdom of foresight.